The Unwinding of the Miracle
Julie Yip-Williams
Contributed by Shemika Thormahlen
Chapter 2
Summary

The chapter begins with memories just before Yip-Williams realized that she was ill. In the midsummer of 2013, Yip-Williams failed to attend a cousin’s wedding because of what began as stomach discomfort, cramping, nausea, and severe vomiting. Later on, a colonoscopy revealed that she had a mass that was obstructing her colon. It was stage IV colon cancer, which — according to a thirty-year study — has a survival rate of less than 15%. Josh, Yip-Williams’s husband, was disturbed about the revelation and did his own research. Yip-Williams herself, on the other hand, believed that she had gone through a lot, and she considered her life, since her birth, to be a miracle.

Yip-Williams recalls her first 24 hours after being diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer as unbearable and full of tears, especially when she thought about her two daughters and how she would have wished to watch them grow up. She could not even stand seeing her two daughters visiting at the hospital; they were tough moments, and she did not want to think about them. Weeks later, after being discharged from hospital, Belle would frequently tell her mom that she was afraid of the dark; later, she would say she saw ghosts in the room. ‘Seeing ghosts’ was a new aspect; and at some point, Yip-Williams did not understand whether it was the angel of death, a guardian angel, or some kind of spirit. She never considered her daughter as possessing any magic and, therefore, the entire thing was strange. Suddenly, Belle became clingy to her mother, but she gradually stopped. Yip-Williams’ last moments with Belle reminded her of a poem entitled Ode On Intimations of Immortality by William Wordsmith. The poem makes her think about adulthood — which is normally distanced from innocence and godliness compared to childhood.

In the third section of this chapter, Yip-Williams finds irony in her sickness because prior to her diagnosis, she was in perfect shape as she would exercise at least five days a week. Even though she is back to her regular exercising routine, Yip-Williams feels that she has been betrayed by cancer as it wants to separate her from what is dear to her: her young family. While exercising, she would see herself empowered with chemotherapy, fighting cancer ruthlessly. She was to start chemotherapy based on FOLFOX, which comprises of three drugs. However, the drugs would have side effects including hair loss, which disgusts her. The doctors recommend that she switches her diet and avoids consuming refined sugars at all costs.

Yip-Williams has never been the religious type. But she recounts moments when she would participate in such activities by imitating her parents and other relatives. She grew up believing in an infinite power, one that she would always express her anger to as she demanded for answers on why she had to undergo all those hard moments. It is during these difficult moments that Yip-Williams struck a one-sided deal with God, where He was to compensate her pains with the greatest love in the world — which brought Josh into her life. But then, Yip-Williams would always be scared of something bad happening to her family.

In another section of this chapter, the author narrates how numbers and probabilities govern her sense of being. CEA, or Carcinoembryonic Antigen, refers to the levels of a disease in an individual’s blood, and hers was at 19.8 ng/mL only months after her diagnosis. A normal CEA level should be around 3 ng/mL. She hoped that her CEA would fall fast but that was not the case since she had only noticed a small drop after several months. Consequently, her UCLA surgeon suggested that she undergoes a PET scan in which some glucose would be introduced in her body. However, many health institutions do not vouch for PET scans as they believe CT scans are more effective and the former can result in false hopes.

During the fifth session of her chemotherapy, Yip-Williams became worried because the first CEA count had dropped by six points at first, and subsequently dropping by just a single point in the following month. She had expected more; and this was worrying since it may suggest that the chemo was becoming less effective. Even though her husband was not around during the tests, she did not mind because she considered the cancer journey a personal one. She became accustomed to it — and indeed, in most of her adventures across the world, she would travel alone. The author believes that going alone empowered her soul and filled her spirit with “unparalleled strength and independence”. In this section of the story, she reflects on her life journeys across the world and the significance they played in her battle with cancer.

Yip-Williams moves onto talking about family secrets and how they shape the lives of individuals — specifically about how her grandmother wanted her dead after realizing that she was born blind. The author narrates the events of that day as they was told by her mother — of which the ensuing confession had, seemingly, unburdened her mother’s heart. They dressed her in dingy clothes, as they thought it would be a waste to do so otherwise, and boarded a bus to Da Nang. Even though Na, Yip-William’s elder sister, was born with cataracts, her grandmother was quick to realize that Yip-Williams’ condition was worse since she could not see big things when they passed in front of her eyes. It turns out that the reason for her blindness was possibly due to some traditional herbs that her mother was given whilst pregnant with Yip-Williams. Even though her grandmother felt guilty, she could not let Yip-Williams live because her father could be caught anytime for serving the wrong army; furthermore, she argued that there were no doctors around. However, the herbalist firmly refused to take Yip-Williams’ life, suggesting that they find someone else who could handle the dirty business.

In the 10th section of the book, under Chapter “Summer and Fall 2013”, the author acknowledges how she never thought she would be happy, especially after being diagnosed with cancer. Even though most of her fears had turned into a reality, her children were her source of happiness. Yip-Williams recounts that Dr. C was also among her other sources of happiness since she would frequently check up on her diet; Dr. C made her feel safe. Some of her happiest moments were in China in her late teenage years: listening to the sounds from the monastery excited her; riding a bicycle marked some of the significant moments in her life. During these days, everything was peaceful. Yip-Williams compares these moments with her experiences with Dr. C.

Yip-Williams also writes about her encounter with Dr. G. W., a Chinese expert who dealt with Traditional Chinese Medicine in treating cancer and other diseases, and where they made arrangements to meet in Queens. The author recalls traveling to Queens as an adventure that sparked memories of her experiences in China. In the encounter with Dr. GW, Yip-Williams became assured that, in one way or another, the Chinese doctor would provide a solution or two for her condition. He offered a list of drugs that were to be sourced from a particular pharmacy in China.

Analysis

The summer and fall of 2013 marked critical moments in the life of the author. In this chapter, Yip-Williams describes her journey with cancer since her diagnosis, the experiences after the discovery, and her efforts to seek medical solutions. It was filled with pain and disbelief. She depicts how cancer cuts through the hearts of loved ones, especially by the thought that — sooner or later — the cancer patient may leave at any time. Also, as much as it pained Josh, it turns out that Yip-Williams’ life journey has been a miracle. Upon the revelation of the painful truth, family members begin imagining and seeing things. At some point, Belle became afraid and scared, to the point that she would mention seeing ghosts hovering in the house. It is possible that these visions would suggest Yip-Williams’ eventual transition to the spirit world. Being afraid of the dark represented Belle’s fear of losing her mother. This point is also emphasized by Wordsmith’s poem that children are born trailing clouds of glory: from the innocence and purity, children can connect with the spirit world.

From these events, the role of religion in instilling hope in people during trying moments is clearly brought out. Even though Yip-Williams did not believe in a specific “God”, she is convinced in the existence of a powerful force that was responsible for creating order in the universe. One important idea brought out in this chapter is the fact that this powerful force does not selectively choose who to bless or make suffer. The author, therefore, believes that — sometimes — God is unfair. However, believing in this powerful force brings peace and things into equilibrium. When Yip-Williams made a deal with God, He blessed her with a loving family to compensate for her suffering since her younger days.

Throughout life, everyone has secrets that they keep from those around them, be it family or friends. In this chapter, the author shares one of the most disturbing revelations — a secret that her family had kept from her for all these years. When she was twenty-eight years old, Yip-Williams was told that she had survived her own death, which was planned by her grandmother. However, what makes secrets intriguing, as revealed by the author, is how the truth can eventually unburden and set people free — as was the case for Yip-Williams’s mother.

In a journey as tough as one that involves cancer, it is normal for victims to experience moments of despair. However, in this chapter, the author wants people to recognize the times that made them happy even when fighting off the grief. Despite the challenges at hand, the author always found happiness in her children. She would also hold onto memories of her travels abroad. Speaking of journeys, Yip-Williams believes cancer is a personal battle; regardless of the love being shown around, it is ultimately the one person fighting the disease. With all that said, she also believes that people are able to find happiness despite the weight of their situations.

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